Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
