Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize