if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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