DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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