Soap is not a condiment
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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