i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Did you just see the Batmobile???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
