Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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