hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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