I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
