3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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