if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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