Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
