Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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