Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
