I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
