How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
