At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
