I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
