A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
