I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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