We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize