i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
