Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
