There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
