I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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