Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
