ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
