my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
