I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
