too bad you live with your parents still
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize