Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Buhtt sex?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
