I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
