Porn is love you can see.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
