making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my shit smells like andre
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
