goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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