All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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