bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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