this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize