She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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