How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
