i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
