Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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