Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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