I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
