I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
