'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
