I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
