Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
