Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
