suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
