I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
