i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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