Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
