Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
