I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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