I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
