You work out of a Hotel?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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