Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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