just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
