that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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