Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
