the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
