my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
