Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
