I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
