And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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