just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
