I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
