You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
