Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize