You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
