Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
