happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
