He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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