I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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