Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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